FRIDAY-SUNDAY, JUNE 19-21

FRIDAY-SUNDAY, JUNE 19-21:

      A leisurely breakfast for the 3 of us at Denny's, within walking distance of Atherton. B & L rested & recoup'd while I saw Mother a couple of times. I napped as well. Lynn got in around 4:30. All of us went over shortly afterwards to the skilled nursing wing. Poor Bethany – she went in the room, but her grandma looked so different from how she remembered that she couldn't get any closer – didn't want to remember her this way.

      After a while, the 3 of us walked up to Main Street Diner for dinner. Had a great time. Landon was shy around his great-aunt for about 2 ½ minutes . . . then fast friends.                                                         

 

He and I shared a banana split for dessert, while Beth & Lynn each had a second margarita. What does that say about who the kids are??!

     Beth & Landon left around 9:00 or so. Apparently there were a couple of sobriety stops right as she was getting on I-10 . . . good thing she'd only had 2 margaritas at dinner! But of course slowed her down on her way down to Oceanside, so they didn't get in til past midnight. Lynn & I stayed up and yakked a lot, per usual. Who do adults who were an “only child” reminisce and reality-check with?? As I've often thought, and said, despite all the holes and unfilled spaces of my childhood, one great gift my parents left me with was my sister. They say that a healthy sibling bond is among the strongest there is – certainly unique. I believe that's evidenced by an unconditional acceptance and understanding of who you are and how you got there. At least that's true of us.

                                                                        

                                                  

 

 

                         

      More of the same on Saturday. Mother was definitely better in the morning – got a couple of entire sentences out of her: when we asked, “Do you know who we are?”, she responded, “Of course. You are my girls.” Feebly and haltingly, but there. She even seemed to smile a little as we took her picture. But by the afternoon, was harder to determine if she knew us. She did seem somewhat agitated and distressed . . . but impossible to know why. Because she was aware we were going through her drawers – taking what we knew we wanted to save? Because we would come and go? Because she was in physical discomfort (her back and legs)? Or simply a result of her autonomic nervous system causing twitching, hand movements, etc.? Because of the impossibility of determining the source, it was very frustrating and difficult. Mostly we just sat and held and stroked her hands.

      Sunday morning Lynn left to fly back to Portland. Bill had driven up earlier, so they got to see each other for a short while. I spent some more time with Mother. Bill read her some Scripture, and she seemed to be moving her lips some with some familiar passages. 

      Then we met my cousin Larry and wife Karen for lunch. Reminisced some more.

      Went back to see Mother one more time. At some point she asked, “Where's Lynn?” So that confirms she's probably more cogent than it appears. Not sure that's entirely a good thing. I left when she was asleep . . . I just hope and pray that she wasn't/isn't too aware of time and that we had left now for good.

       Bill and I walked around the Atherton grounds for a while. I realized that this was very likely my last time there. I'd never really explored the grounds much. It's a truly lovely setting . . . and, at one time at least, pretty unique among retirement communities, in that the founders didn't follow the typical model and purchase some ground, incur long-term debt, and build upwards all at once. Instead, they acquired land and built residences only as they were needed (and paid for) at first. So in the early years, they built mostly cottages, duplexes, and triplexes, adding the apartment units only in more recent expansions. This mix of residential styles is part of what gives Atherton its physical grace and character. If I ever need to go into a “retirement community,” I hope I can find one similar in both its physical beauty and its outstanding care. Even when the nurses and aides didn't know we were around the corner, we always heard them talk sweetly and gently to her. I read a history of Atherton that it was/is pretty well known, both throughout Southern Calif and the U.S. Donations came from families like the Kressage family (founders of K-Mart), the Bekins Moving & Storage family, even a Rockefeller. Christian people who valued taking care of the old with dignity.

     I also realized that Mother had lived in her apartment here for 20 years – moved here in 1989, transitioned into the nursing facility in 2009. That just doesn't compute! It's nearly as long as she was in the home in which we grew up. So it was a substantial chunk of her life.

      And the trek down to Oceanside. Beth & Landon happily greeted us. Appropriately symbolic – the past at one end of today, the future at the other. They'd had a couple of very nice days at the beach . . . perfect sunny Southern Calif beach weather has arrived! Ordered a pizza for dinner.